MAILROOM #9

Some people say thesis or dissertation ideas will be copied by some professors and that screenplay pitches, themes, synopses or treatments will be emulated by people (professionals) who may judge them for official competitions. I may be sounding too amateurish, but... any comment?


Yes, I think you’re sounding amateurish and even paranoid.

The majority of material floating around town isn’t worthy of theft. And the projects that are good enough to steal are worth some sort of legitimate investment to avoid potential lawsuits.

Contests attract an even lower quality of screenplay, since any writer in the world can submit (with an entry fee) his BUFFY VS. BATMAN opus.

Statistically speaking, with the amount of screenplays vying for a payday throughout town, I think the theft rate is very, very low.

As a writer, you must let others read your scripts, and there is a certain amount of trust that goes along with that. Just be sure to copyright your work and keep a record of where and to whom you’re sending the material.

“Return receipts” are a good way to give the paranoid some peace of mind. (A Haldol prescription might also help.)

If professional screenplay readers contemplate any felony, it's probably murder.

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I'm interested in the point you make about screenwriting contests.

"The fundamental flaw in screenwriting contests remains that the winning scripts are often projects Hollywood would never produce. Furthermore, as I’ve said in the past, contests do not necessarily reflect the quality of work on par with professional scripts circulating the town. The winners are often the best amateur scripts (the best of the worst) and cannot compete with the screenplays of Hollywood’s top scribes."

That being said why enter screenwriting contests at all? The fees are quite pricy at 45 to 70 dollars an entry, and the promises of great exposure seem to be faint besides a press blurb. I agree with your points about the Disney and Nicholl contests being the top, but chances are pretty slim with the amount of scripts submitted. I've found far greater success researching and targeting a specific producer with one of my screenplays, but the allure of being able to say your screenplay was a finalist in such and such contests seems like it would give you some added clout.


As I’ve said in the past, only two or three contests (out of hundreds) will provide any sort of clout. And if the script doesn’t subscribe to the sort of movie Hollywood makes, the win will do little good.

This is why I continue to stress that writers enter contests with big cash rewards. Other contests are useless. It’s better to have cold hard cash in the bank instead of the heaven that gets blown up the winner’s ass and does nothing to truly advance his career.

If you enter a contest, enter to win.

"Finalist" is another word for "loser."

Executives will always be more interested in reading the winning script. And even winners have a brief window of opportunity. After a while, the sheen fades and soon a new winner is announced – eclipsing the previous victor.

It definitely behooves the writer to make contacts throughout the industry – along with entering contests. Those who solely enter contests hoping to break into the business are wasting time.

James Simpson – who wrote the previous blog entry – played his hand wisely.

He queried all around town and eventually found two development executives who read his script ARMORED. They liked the project and introduced him to several reps. Signing with a manager, he now had someone here in town (with contacts) to represent him.

When his Nicholl finalist status was announced, James had all his ducks lined up in a row.

His manager took advantage of his status and eventually sparked interest in the script, which sold before the five Nicholl winners were even announced.

This is a living example of the aphorism, “Success is when preparation meets opportunity.”

Although James didn’t win a top slot, his professional career has been launched. It is safe to assume that his goal was not to win screenwriting contests but to earn a living as a screenwriter.
Winning a contest could be pointless if you don’t have a network in place to turn that windfall into meaningful momentum. Keep in mind that even the big contests don’t necessarily have a strong track record of launching careers.

But contests can be a useful tool, providing the writer has wisely done the advance work by setting up a strong foundation.
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I have a character-driven story that I'm not sure how to pitch.

SMALL TOWN NEWS is the story of a 20-year-old reporter who struggles with a decision -- accept his dream job at a big-city newspaper or stay and take care of his difficult, cancer-stricken father.

As you can tell, the story isn't high concept. However, it is a story I feel passionate about because it is borrowed from my own life experience.

How do I effectively communicate the appeal of the two main characters and the dynamics of their relationship in the short amount of time of a pitch?

Granted I'm biased, but I feel the story is poetic and would be an excellent dramatic vehicle for an actor like Christopher Walken (and a departure from his recent spate of wacky roles).

Would it be too off-the-wall to lead the pitch with a poem that is integral to the story? Would it be annoying to elaborate in depth about a particular scene that pulls at the heart strings? Does anybody care that I can see a particular actor playing a leading role?I know you get a lot of inquiries, but I'd appreciate it if you had time for some thoughts....


The conflict at the heart of your story is intriguing and one with which many adults can identify. (Did you see the play/movie I NEVER SANG FOR MY FATHER?)

I would find a better word choice than “decision.” It’s too internal. Find an equivalent that exudes a cinematic quality.

These sorts of stories don’t necessarily work well as pitches. Concept driven stories – not character driven – pitch better. But that’s the struggle you chose to endure when you picked your subject matter.

Starting off the pitch with a poem could be interesting – but the poem would have to be short and truly effective. (“There once was a man from Hong Kong….”) However, it might be best to use your time wisely and stick solely to the subject matter at hand: Your story.

I think beginning the pitch with the logline above is a good start. (I like pitches that begin with the genre and logline because it immediately orients me to the story. It's sort of a roadmap.)

Since your story is character driven, it seems wise to pitch – at least – the main character.

Using the name of an actor (that excites people) is a good way to enable the listener to envision the project. Avoid suggesting the little known actor who played COP #3 in the second DIE HARD movie. Geeky film fans who pose as screenwriters have the bad habit of doing exactly this sort of thing.

Talk about what makes the character interesting and how he propels the story forward.

Margaret Edson’s Pulitzer Prize winning play WIT (adapted into an HBO movie) is the study of a university professor dying from cancer.

Pitching the character could start like this:

The professor is Vivian Bearing, a scholar of John Donne, who finds herself undergoing experimental cancer treatment. Having avoided human contact and compassion while buried in books and intellectualism, she now - at the end of her short life - struggles to find the sort of humanity she has always shunned.

Pitch the character elements that create the conflict/drama within the story.

Leave other details out. "This character loves to drink Yoo-hoo in glass bottles only" is a detail that's probably unneccessary in the pitch. Give us the character information that provides the momentum for the narrative.

A writer only has to offer up enough information (whether it is about the character or the story) that will invite the listener to ask questions and involve himself in the drama.

Pitching a scene out of context can be dangerous. What seems moving to you – because you know the machinery of the script that enables that beat to work (drama is cause and effect) – could fall very flat to an uninformed listener. And to take the time to tell the backstory could be excruciating.

It’s all about instinct and your ability to read and feel out the audience. If it feels right – go for it.

You use the word "passion" in your question to me. This could be one of the most important elements in a pitch.

When I was in Austin, a man pitched a story about a wrongfully imprisoned relative. It is a “small story” and not the kind that would probably sell on spec. His chances of getting anyone to read the script seemed slim. However, he had an exorbitant amount of passion for the project. He pitched it to eight executives/producers and all agreed to read the material.

Although you may not sell SMALL TOWN DREAMS, you could find a producer with your sort of passion to option it and try to find financing. I read lots of projects for"small" movies with funding.
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I noticed that you've just been judging a pitching competition, and thought you might have some interesting feedback.

In summary - I have the rights to a true story - and I think I'm pitching it OK ... but I'm getting no response.

I'd understand that they'd simply want the rights to the story and toss me (as a writer) off the project ... but I don't understand why I'm simply getting silence in response. Here is a partial example of how I've been pitching it:


I happen to have the film rights to a true story that you may be interested in. It is still breaking news at the moment, so this is still very early stages of the project. It's basically the story of Julie - a young university student.

Having recently moved to a new country, she realizes she isn't as safe as she thought. There have been three girls from her neighbourhood who looked just like her. Same thin figure. Same blond hair. Same age. And they've all been murdered. There is a serial killer out there, looking for victims just like Julie.

So she does the only thing a helpless young girl can do. She decides to hunt down the killer. She has no experience, no insider info, no special skills - but she's not going to let that stop her.

So we go on the journey with her, collecting the clues, getting closer at each step to figuring out the identity of the murderer. It's an incredible story - even the mayor is involved with the main suspect. But her obsession with finding the killer is destroying her – it's pulling her away from her family and friends - even her poor boyfriend – a guy who's totally devoted to her but has no social skills – even he's finally driven away by her mania.

This story is about one girl's passion to solve a mystery. But there is one part that I haven't mentioned yet. Remember, this is a true story.

Even this bit: Her boyfriend was the serial killer.

As you can imagine, there are some legal issues with this story - but they are being solved.

(1) I've already obtained the exclusive film rights to Julie's story

(2) Julie's ex-boyfriend has now been charged on DNA evidence with the murder of a 4th girl in England (yet another victim who looks just like Julie!) Anyway, this project is still at a very early stage - it was only about a month ago that Julie's boyfriend was charged with any of the murders!

There are plenty of uncertainties with the project. However EVERYTHING that I've mentioned in the story above is 100% true.

If you are interested at all, just drop me an email, or give me a call.


Now I could understand some level of disinterest. But 100% disinterest? Not even a: “Sounds interesting. Do you have more details on the case so we can verify that you aren't full of @$#!'?”

The film can even be done on a low budget!

I was just hoping for some insight into what I'm doing wrong.


When there's 100% disinterest, it's safe to assume that you’re doing everything wrong.

I'm a firm believer that regardless of how well organized and rehearsed a pitch might be, ultimately, the listener can only respond to the material itself.

Is this a story to which he wants to devote two hours? Does the story sound like it's worthy of being a movie?

Let’s break down this pitch, and I’ll offer my interior monologue – what I’m thinking - while reading this letter:


I happen to have the film rights to a true story that you may be interested in. It is still breaking news at the moment, so this is still very early stages of the project.

Topical is good but an unfolding story may not be as interesting as one that has a definitive conclusion. As a new writer of a true story, having the film rights is important but so is having the screenplay. Why hasn't the script been written?

It's basically the story of Julie - a young university student.

Rachel McAdams. That's good. But what does "basically" imply?

Having recently moved to a new country, she realizes she isn't as safe as she thought. There have been three girls from her neighborhood who looked just like her. Same thin figure. Same blond hair. Same age. And they've all been murdered.

“Who looked just like her” says it all. The rest is superfluous. This paragraph might work better if it read like this: “Having recently moved to a new country, Julie realizes she isn't as safe as she thought. Three girls from her neighborhood have been murdered, and all the victims resemble her.”

There is a serial killer out there, looking for victims just like Julie.

Serial killer? So disappointing. So 1990s.

So she does the only thing a helpless young girl can do. She decides to hunt down the killer. She has no experience, no insider info, no special skills - but she's not going to let that stop her.

Yes, this is the ONLY thing a helpless girl would do…hunt down a serial killer. This sentence is too campy. You need to have a better barometer (common sense) for stuff like this. Being blind to this sort of unintentional humor doesn’t speak well for the writer. (Query letters are FULL of this kind of dopiness.) These goofy sentences get highlighted and passed around the office to brighten up the doldrums.

So we go on the journey with her, collecting the clues, getting closer at each step to figuring out the identity of the murderer.

You mean like every other serial killer movie?

It's an incredible story - even the mayor is involved with the main suspect.

Big deal. Former mayor Marion Berry smoked crack. Nothing remotely “incredible” here.

But her obsession with finding the killer is destroying her – it's pulling her away from her family and friends - even her poor boyfriend – a guy who's totally devoted to her but has no social skills – even he's finally driven away by her mania.

Speaking of being driven away…. Where’s the hook to this story? Haven’t I seen this a million times before?

This story is about one girl's passion to solve a mystery.

Like Nancy Drew?

But there is one part that I haven't mentioned yet.

I hope it's the big twist.

Remember, this is a true story.

Although the query is long enough to have caused me to forget, I do remember. Could you mercifully just cut to the chase!

Even this bit: Her boyfriend was the serial killer.

That’s the twist?

As you can imagine, there are some legal issues with this story - but they are being solved.

I couldn't imagine. I would assume as a professional querying me that you'd have those issues worked out ahead of time.

(1) I've already obtained the exclusive film rights to Julie's story

You're repeating yourself.

(2) Julie's ex-boyfriend has now been charged on DNA evidence with the murder of a 4th girl in England (yet another victim who looks just like Julie!) Anyway, this project is still at a very early stage - it was only about a month ago that Julie's boyfriend was charged with any of the murders!

Did Julie's investigation lead to his capture? This letter gets sidetracked and loses focus of the most important element of the pitch: THE STORY.

There are plenty of uncertainties with the project.

With the exception that it will never be a movie.

However EVERYTHING that I've mentioned in the story above is 100% true.

Too bad it's 100% uninspired. The fact that it's based on a true story doesn't automatically make it a movie.

If you are interested at all, just drop me an email, or give me a call.

No interest. The letter itself smacks of unprofessionalism. It's too chatty, repetitious and unwittingly amusing.

Most of all, the story itself sounds like a run-of-the-mill serial killer movie.

That's not to relegate Julie's true life experience, but we've seen this too many times before, and the writer's bringing nothing new to the table.

It's a PASS.
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I'm not a wealthy man. But I have saved enough to make you this offer. If you agree, I will send you my script and a cashier's check for $10,000. Read the first 10 pages only. If you think it average, just keep the check and NEVER WRITE ME BACK. No need to tell me what you disliked. Our relationship severs there. Immediately. If you enjoy the first 10 pages, I'd ask that you continue on a bit. If at ANY TIME you come to the (inevitable?) conclusion that I don't have the goods, cash the check and my deepest apologies. You will never hear from me again. Novices who ask powerful people to read their scripts make a selfish request. You value your time, and others pay you handsomely for it. I' m not sure if I have talent. But I do have appreciation, and for your having read this far, please know that I am deeply grateful.


Some scripts can be so bad that even such generous remuneration would still seem like minimum wage.

In the grand scale of things, I have about as much power as a Christmas tree bulb and, although I appreciate your understanding of the occasional painful situation I find myself in, I cannot accept your offer.

I might regret this decision at the beginning of the New Year when the credit card bills arrive, but you can find better ways to spend that money. (Consider: Kid’s college fund, stock market, hookers.)

Executives and producers looking for material - who are sincere about a Hollywood career - are not expecting money upfront but, instead, hope to see plenty of it on the other end. (Okay, in this specific case, I might only be speaking for myself.)

Thanks for thinking of me. This is certainly a memorable pitch. I suspect if things don’t go your way in Hollywood, you can always get a job writing infomercials.

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Let’s not forget those writers who recently passed away. Their contributions to the creative community and our lives are greatly appreciated.

Sid Davis, 90
Betty Comden, 89
Robert Altman, 81

Send comments and questions to theinsidepitch@sbcglobal.net

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For those in the L.A. area, I'll be hearing pitches at the Alameda Writers' Group at the Glendale Library on Saturday, December 2. Their monthly meeting begins at 9:45.

The event runs until noon. The auditorium is on the second floor, and the Glendale Library is located at 222 East Harvard Street (at Maryland).

For more info visit: http://www.alamedawritersgroup.org/index.html